I Don't Deserve to go Kayaking

And I'm not entitled to chase my dreams.

I've come to realize something. I don't deserve to take time for myself to go on kayaking adventures. I haven't earned the freedom to just take off to do the things I love. I'm not entitled to take a break from my family responsibilities to chase my dreams.

What?!?

Keep reading and I'll explain what I mean :)

Driving to and from our great kayaking adventure at Sand Hollow State Park, my friend Des and I had lots of time to think and talk.

Some of our conversation was about how hard it was to leave our families. Even though we were so excited to get to go on our 2-Day kayaking adventure, our mother-hearts kept a pulse on our families back home.

We knew which kids would miss us and who would be lonely without us there to tuck them in bed at night. We knew who had a lesson or a class to get to, who needed to be picked up at a certain time, and the effort our husbands would be making to get kids here and there and fed and to bed while we were gone having a blast! We knew it was only because of their willingness to take up the slack that we could go. (Thanks, guys!)

 It was hard to leave the people we love to do something just for us. It felt just a little bit selfish. 

So, what is to be done?!? Should I still go on these kayaking adventures? Should I leave my family like that and take off to do this thing I love? Should I still pursue this crazy passion?

The answer is YES.

A resounding yes.

But not because I deserve it or am entitled.

But because of SACRIFICE.

We are a lot like this little flower. To bloom and grow we need a steady support beneath us.
That's what families are for us. Sometimes we're the flower. Sometimes we're the log.

In healthy, happy families we all sacrifice for each other. 

The sacrifices we make for each other:

• empower our growth
• provide support
• allow us to be nurtured
• enable us to reach our dreams
• propel us to become who we need to be. 

If not for the sacrifices in families none of us would be successful or happy. (Here is some more on this idea of sacrifice.) The key is that we stay balanced and make a constant effort to not be taking more than you are giving.

How I Sacrifice for My Familly

For example, let's start with me, the Mom. Almost everything I do everyday is a sacrifice of my time and energy for my family.

When I'd rather sleep in a little longer I am up early to make my husband breakfast because I love him and don't want him to be hungry at work. Or I'm doing laundry so he has what he needs for his business trips. I try to take care of him and meet his needs.

When I'm yearning to get into the mountains, or visit an art gallery, or take off in my kayak....when I have creative passions calling me to my painting canvas, or words aching to be poured into the writing project I have on the back burner, or when the latest great book I'm reading is pulling at my desire, I put it away.

Instead I:

• make breakfast, lunch, dinner, clean up, repeat....every day

• wash dishes, vacuum and sweep, do laundry, clean bathrooms

• manage disagreements, chore charts, and complaints

• listen to the worries, heartaches, joys of my children

• play math games, edit kid's research papers, and prepare homeschool lessons

• watch the latest Parcour or gymnastics skill that my kids have mastered and cheer them on

• orchestrate the schedules of my active kids and all their social and educational opportunities

etc. etc. etc....

We all know the work we do as mothers. And that doesn't include the work I do outside my home for our community and church.

I sacrifice a lot for the ones I love.

Surely I deserve a break. I am entitled to taking off when I want to, to fill myself up, right?

No, I don't see it that way.

Because I'm not the only one sacrificing here.

How My Family Sacrifices For Me

My sweet husband works HARD at his job.

His full time and energy is spent building a career that supports me and my children.

Because of his sacrifce:

• we have food to eat

• we have a comfortable home to live in

• we have money to buy clothes we need ( and just want!)

• we are able to go on family vacations

• I am able to live my dream of being a stay-at-home mom and full-time homemaker

• we are provided for all our needs and most of our wants

• we are protected and kept safe

And this doesn't include all my sweet husband does in our community and church for others. He sacrifices so much for those he loves.

My children sacrifice for me.

There are times I am too tired and my children miss something they really wanted to do. Or they clean the kitchen instead of going off to play when they could have. It may be as simple as giving me the biggest piece of cake when they had the chance to take it themselves.

I remember when we went to Jenny Lake near Jackson Hole last summer. I REALLY wanted to kayak. It had been over a year since we'd kayaked last. We even had the boats on our Sequoia! But there was only time to hike or kayak. Everyone else wanted to hike. I'd never kayaked alone before and didn't really want to. My sweet daughter sacrificed hiking with the rest of the family to kayak with me! (And we had a great time, by the way. I'll write about that in a later post.)

That meant a lot to me. Because of her sacrifice I was able to do something I really wanted to do.

How We All Benefit From Sacrifice

So, we all sacrifice. We all benefit at the expense of each other. That is the beauty of families and sacrifice. We don't do the things we do for each other grudgingly or keep a tally. We do them for each other out of LOVE and GRATITUDE. 

Like the flower I found growing on a fallen log in Jenny Lake in the picture earlier in this post, sometimes we supporting another's growth and bloom, sometimes we are the one being supported.

• Because I love my husband and am grateful for him, I gladly sacrifice for him. I do what I can to help him accomplish his goals, to make his life easier, to bring him joy and peace.

• Because I love my children and am grateful for them, I joyfully sacrifice for them. I do what I can to help them reach their greatest dreams, take care of them, and guide them towards success and joy.

• Because my husband and children love me and are grateful for me, they sacrifice for me.

That includes the sacrifice to have me gone at times to go KAYAKING. And the times I'm painting, or writing, or reading, or whatever I'm doing that makes me unavailable to help, listen to, or be there for them. 

And when they sacrifice for me I feel loved and SO GRATEFUL.

So, I'll say it again.

I don't deserve to take time for myself to go on kayaking adventures. I can't take off on a whim because I earned it with all my hard work. I'm not entitled to take a break from my family responsibilities to chase my dreams.

I'm able to go because of the willing sacrifice of my family. 

And sacrifice is what families do for each other.

What do you think? Do you agree with me? Do you have any experiences where you can relate to this idea of taking turns serving and being served in families?

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Happy paddling!

LaRayne

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