About this blog...

Hello and welcome! I am glad you are here!

So, I want you to know me, to understand where I'm coming from to appreciate why I feel like Super Woman when I go out kayaking now. And believe it or not, this blog isn't about kayaking at all! (Well, sort of!) It's about having courage to make your dreams come true even when you are scared, feel weak, are unsure, doubt yourself, and are in it alone. Keep reading and you'll see what I mean.

As a young woman I bungee jumped, cliff dived into the Snake River, went rock rappelling on dates, and ran whitewater rivers with young adult groups. But when I became a wife and a mother my nerve waned. Sanity settled in my bones and I realized I couldn't risk NOT being there for my family. Crazy Adventure took a back seat to Lovely Life. I am today a happy, breathing, LIVING wife and mother. But, there is that part of me, that adventurous girl, that thinks wistfully of my bungee-jumping, cliff-diving, river-running days with yearning.

I daydreamed about spending weekends with my husband camping by streams and lakes, waking in the dewy mornings of the mountains together, hiking through aspen and pine, and sitting on edges of cliffs together watching the sun set. I couldn't wait to go on wilderness adventures with my sweetheart!

As it turns out, my sweetheart loves the outdoors but hates camping; he is happy as long as there is a condo nearby with a bed, a shower, and flushing toilets at the end of the adventurous day. We've come to a happy agreement. Our favorite family vacations have been a condo by a lake, in the mountains, or near the ocean.

We like to say we are a "hiking, biking, kayaking" family.

We have hiked, biked, and kayaked in Lake Tahoe, Maui and Kauai, Oregon, South Carolina, Texas, California, Wyoming, and Utah - did I miss any??? (I'll blog about those trips in later posts). It has been glorious! But recently my kids have come clean with me: they don't love kayaking like I do.

Neither does my husband!

...But I can't get enough of it.

This is where my angst lies. I want to kayak - a lot! But I can't find anyone to go with me. My kayaks have gathered dust and been moved from one storage place to another over the years, seeing water only once or twice a summer. My family loves me so they go with me when I ask. But it's not very fun to go when they are checking the time and are chomping at the bit to be done when I'm just getting started.

When I'm on the water in my kayak I feel like breaking out into John Denver's song You Fill Up My Senses: the flashes of light dancing on the water, the way the world reflects back it's colors on the glass surface of the lake, the soft lapping sound of the water against the hull, the sun warm on my face, the breeze smelling of wilderness playing through my hair, the way my paddle pulls through the water leaving a swirling eddy behind me, and the stillness and quiet penetrating and calming my nerves. It's pure heaven and ultimate bliss.

Anytime we pass a body of water, I sigh and say out loud, "Right there, I want to go kayaking right there!" My family teases me and says, "We know, Mom, we know." Every shimmering lake, winding river, and reflective pond just begs to be explored!

There are lots of reasons why I haven't gone kayaking on my own:

1. I couldn't lift the kayak off and back onto the roof of our Sequoia by myself - no way, no how.
2. I couldn't carry the darn thing from the car to the shore - too awkward and too heavy.
3. The gear to help make this all easier costs a big chunk of change.
4. I had little kids that I couldn't leave for hours and hours.
5. Most of my friends had young families like me and couldn't get away to come with me.
6. It was sometimes just easier to NOT go than wrangle my kids and all the equipment needed for a day on the water, not to mention deal with attitudes (it's boring!) and packing lunch and snacks.
7. I'd be lonely going by myself, maybe even a little nervous (who knows what is lurking beneath the dark shadowed waters of that lake?!)
8. Great kayaking destinations were far away.
9. I doubted I could really do it on my own - did I have what it took or was I just a lot of talk?
10. And deep down, I felt like it was selfish of me to up and leave my responsibilities at home to go paddling just because I wanted to.

Now my kids are older. We have a little more spending money to afford the gear to make it easier. And I'm just tired of WISHING I could go kayaking, WANTING to go, feeling RESENTFUL that I wasn't going, and HURT that no one (read: my sweet husband) wanted to go with me.

Sometimes you have to just make your own sunshine! I have recently determined to make it happen. I'm not sure just how yet, but the water is calling me with an intensity that I cannot ignore. I am going to kayak - A LOT! Even if that means going solo until I find paddling friends. And in the process of choosing to do this, I feel power and peace. I'm also feeling a bit scared and intimidated, unsure and sometimes crazy as I feel the rush of passion pull me towards becoming a "real kayaker"!

In future posts I'll share how I am overcoming each of the obstacles that have been in my way and the adventures I'm having. I'll share what I am learning on my kayaking excursions. I'm going to set some goals and make some kayak-trip plans. I've got a long list of places I NEED to kayak. How will I accomplish this? I don't know yet but plans are formulating in my head!

What is calling you? What is holding you back from doing the thing that you love, that you have dreamed about doing? What steps can you take to come just that much closer to making your dreams come true? Let's go on this adventure together, share ideas, and inspire each other to live the lives we have dreamed about.

Next time I'll share my Super Woman Kayaking Experience - going solo for the first time. I did it! Yay go me!

Please leave your kind comments :) I'd love to know I'm not alone here.

 

 

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